The best way to help people achieve their goals : Shut up!

We spent our last weekend as a family at a ski resort. My six-year-old son, a beginner, used to ski only on green slopes. 

At the end of the weekend, we decided to take a long blue slope with some steep parts. My wife went ahead with my daughter, who is faster, and I made the descent with my son. As this was his first time on a blue slope, I briefed him about the turns and how to control his speed. He listened carefully, and we started our descent.  

At the beginning of the slope, I stayed right behind him and kept giving him instructions and encouragement, such as, “slow down now and make a left turn…perfect!” After a while, he stopped and told me to stop talking to him. He told me the following:

– “You explained at the top how to descend, and I understood. Having you talking all the time like this (he meant instructions) confuses me. Stop talking and just let me ski as I want.” 

At that moment, I realized I was interfering with his Inner Game*. 

I did what he asked me to do, followed him from a distance, and he made a very smooth descent without me saying a word. He wasn’t even upset when he fell at the end of the slope. He asked for help to get up and asked with a big smile on his face: 

– “Have you seen how did I fall?” 

I just said, “yes.”

Then he explained to me briefly why he fell. And his analysis was accurate. 

Overall, he was delighted with his first experience on a blue slope. And I was glad about my performance of “shutting up”.

Then I had a thought. 

How many times have I failed to shut up and ruined others’ Inner Games?

How many times did I intend to be supportive with my words, but actually became an interference?.. for my clients, the salespeople I managed, my friends, kids…

I still don’t know the answers, but I know I still have much to learn. I know seeing life from the Inner Game perspective is a game changer. 

*The Inner Game is a methodology developed by Tim Gallwey. His “The Inner Game of Tennis” is a worldwide bestseller.